By Chef Andrew

It has often been said that “the family who eats together stays together.” I couldn’t agree more. My wife and I have received many compliments over the years about how tight we are with our children and have often been asked what our secret is. Unfortunately, there is no single answer to that question. Parenting is a complex undertaking and is unique from one family to the next and, quite frankly, from one child to the next. That said, I do firmly believe that one of the most important aspects of parenthood is maintaining open lines of communication with your children.

One of the ways we have done that over the years has been to put an extremely strong emphasis on eating dinner together, as a family, every day. Yes, I said EVERY day. Believe me, I know that this is a tall order, and it gets more difficult to achieve as kids grow older and become more independent. The number of kids you have also makes this exponentially more challenging; isn’t that always the case though? Nevertheless, I say go for it! It is during these meals that you will learn what your kids are up to, what’s stressing them out, what their dreams are, who they’re hanging with, and anything else that’s on their minds. It is also where you can advise them, share your belief systems, shape their minds, and teach them the art of conversation. It can be a time to celebrate achievements, mourn losses, and share any significant family news. Having a say in their daily nutrition is also a huge benefit. Eating together lets your kids know that they are not alone, that you care about their lives, and that, no matter what they may be up against, you always have their backs. If you want to know your children better, break bread with them as often as possible.

The first step to making regular family dinners happen is to establish and commit to the goal. Make it clear to everyone in the family that eating dinner together is a priority and that every attempt should be made to be there for it. In his book Built to Last, Jim Collins speaks of BHAGs (Bee-Hags) which stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goals. In short, the idea is to establish a clear, highly ambitious goal, which probably seems unreasonable, and to make every possible effort to achieve it. You may not always completely succeed, but if you come close you still probably achieved something significant. Getting a busy family to all sit down together every day for dinner certainly qualifies as a BHAG, and if you can regularly pull it off you will be well rewarded for your efforts. I guarantee it. 

Next, compile everyone’s schedule for the week and look for openings each day where everyone is free. Keeping an electronic calendar that is shared across the family can be a big help here from both a coordination and communications perspective. Pick the best time slot for each day and block it off for “Family Dinner”. This may mean that dinner is not at the same time every day, and sometimes may be quite late, but that is fine. It’s more important to get everyone together.

Be flexible on location. While I feel it is preferable to have as many meals as possible during the week at home, there are going to be times where it just makes more sense to eat out closer to the schools or sports venues or wherever all the various family activities may lead you. 

Involve the group. When you are eating at home, try and assign some aspect of the dinner to each member of the family, be it food prep, setting the table, or doing the dishes. Letting everyone add value to the process develops character, builds teamwork, and strengthens the family bonds – plus, many hands always make light work. Who knows, you might even end up with a chef or two on your hands. When you are eating out or ordering take-out food, rotate who gets to pick the restaurant. When the kids have a say in things, they are much more likely to want to be part of it.

Walk the walk; being there for dinner includes the parents too! If you travel with your job, try to make sure that you and your partner are not on the road at the same time. When you are out of town, try to join the family dinner via Zoom or Facetime. This is even more important for single parents. The main thing is that you are part of the conversation one way or another.

Keep it going. Now that my kids are grown, out of college, and off pursuing their careers we still try to get together at least once a week, frequently more than that.  Sunday dinner is the most common and I usually cook while the “kids” bring the wine and dessert. I am happy to say they still usually make it, and I am actually pretty sure that they hate to miss it. For this, I am truly grateful.